Ollie is sleepy today. And I am okay with that today. (so far...who knows where my hormones will take me in an hour or two) This morning on the way to the hospital I played the Enya CD that was on repeat my entire 10 hour labor. It made that day fresh in my mind again. I don't want to forget that part of this deal. It was such a beautiful experience. Ollie and me working together to bring him into this world, as fast as we could.
He is so beautiful. He makes little baby noises. And his cry is so sweet. Course, I'm a little biased, but I bet all of you would agree. I can't wait to share him with the world. I think we all have defined that old saying that it takes a village to raise a child. I couldn't spend hours here at this hospital if it weren't for the help and prayers and encouragement both for myself and my husband who's doing behind the scenes work arranging kids and schedules.
What you really wanna see is how Ollie is today huh? Well...he's in a little gown with baseballs on it. It's blue...little boy baby blue. He is still on 35% oxygen, with a little tube that puts oxygen up his nose. It's not really invasive and I think he likes it. I can't blame him, it probably feels really secure to have what was missing at birth. They try to turn it down by 5% and his levels drop too low so they have to go back up. It's not a big deal to test if he can handle it, a little twist of the knob and a five minute wait. The doc has given the nurses free reign to attempt weaning down off it as he seems ready. So we continue to struggle with it a little bit.
Ollie nuzzled around a little bit this morning. He's still very sleepy...but before his feeding while I was holding him he rooted a tad. I always take one finger and touch his nose or his cheeks, stroke his forehead. Well, I got close to his mouth and he did a little baby bird move, opening his mouth and turning his head into me. It wasn't big and obvious like a "normal" baby would do, but it made me very happy. The doc came in today (the one my husband really wants to box because he is doomsday personality). I was very nice and smiled and asked how his day was...he was polite in return. He did a couple reflex tests-keep in mind, they were quick and not detailed tests-just a quicky thing, but Ollie passed with flying colors. His toes curl and flare in response to certain touches. If you pull his arms up with no head support he tries to pull his head up with them instead of letting it flop back. He's not strong...it's very weak attempts...but the good news is he's trying. It's something. He has slowed down significantly in opening up to the world, and I can't blame him at all. But he's still making progress. Often when I hold him, he just snuggles and sleeps very hard. He feels safe in my arms and uses that time to recover. It's hard to be patient. Then when I have to go take a break...and put him back ever so gently...he gets mad. He just wants to sleep on mama, and I so want the same thing. I noticed today that when he gets his BP taken he gets VERY upset. He does not like anything squeezing him at all. And I can understand why. If his feeding tube or IV gets too close to his neck, he freaks out. The nurses don't really notice these things. They are excellent at responding to him and taking care of him, but they don't take the time to notice and help him with his underlying trauma.
Today he has the nurses that he had for the transfer from Roseville Hospital to here. They are amazed at the changes. He is still tolerating only small feeds...about 12 ml at a time. They give him 15ml and there's usually 4-5 left over. They leave the left over in his belly and add enough of the new feed to keep it at 15ml. He's taking nothing but my breast milk. He totals about 4 oz a day. I am generating about 24-32 oz a day. So, the nurse said to start freezing and keeping at home and they'd ask when they need a big batch. That feels really good that I have enough stock and can keep up with him and get ahead of the game. So when he takes off feeding like a tank...we are ready.
I had some lunch-it's time to head back. The older kids are coming home today and I think I may leave a little bit early today to welcome them home and get things settled for the week. We feel so wrapped by everyones love and prayers. I know I keep saying it, but I literally can not put into words how much the support means. Just knowing that any given person I think of is praying and covering our son in light and love and health makes my heart rest. I love and thank you all...even those I haven't met...for giving a piece of your heart to my little Ollie...I'm going to take a couple pics this afternoon. It's been really hard for me to accept and get out the camera thus far, but I think I'm ready. Will post them tonight.
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