I'm starting to lose my mind. I opened my freezer to add to the stock pile that the nurses insist will get used...I see beyond the bottle in my hand for the first time in a week. Dude, there are frozen maxi pads in my freezer. woah. That woulda been nice after birth had I been home. I just had to kinda laugh though. Wonder if the kids saw those while hunting for something to snack on. LOL!
Yeah things are feeling real backwards to me. My husband is carting around hospital grade breastpumps. My birthing ball is now a four year olds play house. I spends my time allotted in chunks dependant on feeding...a machine. Night blends into day. I drive home and to hospital seemingly unaware of the time but all to aware of exhaustion. I never know if someone will be awake when I get home. I keep waiting for things to fall apart-for Will to lose his patients, for the wolf to eat us alive, for someone to starve to death, or a vehicle to run out of gas. But somehow God is one step ahead of all that. I can't tell you day to day how it all works behind the scenes, but it does. A friend who owns a daycare offering free help. People who know the kids schedules offering them rides. The parking garage closed when I leave so I don't have to pay. An angel here and there saying just the right thing, and offering just enough hope to get us through a moment of weakness...okay a few moments...alright!! hours of weakness...cut me some slack...faith takes a while to rebuild.
To add to the backward feelings we have people design a hospital who make it their job to think of the most confusing way to set things up. Let me elaborate: On floor number one, the elevator opens two doors. On floor number two it opens one. Do not get out on the wrong side or you will be lost for a good ten minutes. The coffee shop, gift shop and cafeteria all take cash only. But the one atm in the waiting room doesn't give out cash. There is a change machine, but no payphone. It's like a toilet with no seat. Or a door with no hinges. It makes no sense. Speaking of the cafeteria-nothing is in order. There is literally mustard at one end and ketchup at the other. The creamer is located NO WHERE near the coffee. I kid you not the napkin dispenser is hung at hip height by the exit door. Who the heck thinks of these things? There are real plates and forks...but no place to leave them when dirty. And the eating area looks out onto a patio with tables and chairs and *gasp* sunlight...but there is no doorway out there-unless you know to walk down the hallway totally away from the cafeteria. Do you know how silly you look carrying a tray of food and walking up to the huge looking windows thinking they lead outside? Durh.
Yeah my brains pretty fried. Still feeling lost on many levels. Just choosing not to use the wrong elevator door when I leave. Don't get me started on parking...and who's genius idea it was to fix the freeway this week?
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