Test Results!

When I walked into this hospital 12 days ago, I was assured that it was not the Matrix. There were no miracle workers here. I was told no one could dodge the bullets that were shot at my son. He could not bend like Neo and hold out his hand and stop the inevitable from changing forever what he could have been. Prepare myself for death, prepare myself for a lifetime from now of handicaps....

I stood today with weak knees in front of Dr. Doomsday himself. He looked at his papers, he scratched his head. An EEG, a heart scan, and an MRI. There is one area, one centimeter in length, on the right side of my sons brain that shows it did in fact bleed from intense pressure and swelling. That's all it shows. A tiny trace of evidence that this has not all been one big nightmare but real life itself. If any damage was done, and IF it was not corrected already, we will not know what it is until he grows and we encounter problems along the way...IF...other than that, "we could find nothing else" there was no sign a seizure ever even occurred. He didn't dare say "normal"...but that's what was said.

The physical therapist came by today -this morning, before test results- and decided that he did not need her anymore. His muscles are relaxed, he moves like a normal baby does. She has nothing to "therapy." She said she does not know why or how, and she doesn't ask those questions. I told her I knew. She smiled into my eyes. She knew too.

Today he nursed for the first time. He got tired, and had to take the rest of feeding by his tube. That's okay. He's still working on stamina. Tomorrow he gets to try some more. He has two days left of weaning off of steroids. Hopefully he will be weaned down from his IV sugar by then too. He goes about 23 hours of good sugar tests, then one drops a little bit low. He's got to keep his sugars up and make his feedings last one to the next. That's all we are waiting on now.

He is a miracle. He did dodge the bullets. With the strength of angels, the power of prayer, love and encouragement, the forces that be held out a hand and said "no, not this child."

Tonight he rests in my arms, and the tears flow again. They are better tears this time. I look around me at the families that have so far to go...months some of them. I feel a twinge of guilt, but I can't help to squeeze this little boy a little tighter and shut my eyes tight. He's mine, my precious gift. I birthed him naturally, nearly lost him, got him back, and now I'm told I will walk away with a normal child. I will turn my back and the bullets will fall to the floor at our feet.

Normal. I never realized how not normal-normal can be. It's not so simple sometimes. Sometimes it's painstaking and slow and filled with much emotion. Tonight, I got my baby. I just don't want to put him down. There are not words to express my gratitude-for those that prayed, for those that sent positive thoughts and encouragement, to those that have been by my side from the time my water broke, those that have spent time helping with my other kids, or even spent a couple long nights at the hospital so I could sleep knowing my baby was in the best of hands, and to those who have helped financially. I hope you all are experiencing even a little bit of the awe and inspiration that I feel in my heart. This boy belongs a little bit to all of us. A very very special blessing gifted from God. My transforming butterfly-with loads of life to give and live. Tonight my heart thanks God. I hope He is smiling the biggest of all...