Once again, I lag. I've been busy. Really busy. Ok not really busy. Honestly, I've been sitting on my tush on the couch. Sometimes folding laundry. Mostly just hanging out. I've had some massive dental work done, well massive in comparison to what's ever been done to my teeth before. And they are only half done with it all. I've been on antibiotics, which I really really tried to avoid, but ended up having no choice. This is not fun considering we finally went three weeks with no thrush symptoms. *sigh* The white on his tongue is slowly growing again instead of fading as it was. And we once again begin the evil fungus battle. But, luckily it's not so horrid yet, my antibiotics are almost done, and I have some leftover thrush treatment. yay! Hopefully this won't set us back to far.
He's been eating one more bite each day of solid food. He still thinks the whole high chair, spoon feed me while wearing a bib idea is stupid. I can't blame him. It feels stupid. I let the little monkey sit on my lap while I eat instead and suddenly he has interest in food. Whodda thunk it? He grabs my spoon and beats the table with it, pulls food off it on the way to my mouth, or just helps himself to my plate. It's really cute how excited he gets. When he's done he stands up on my lap and chews on the wood on the back of my chair. It's got little Ollie teeth marks from his bottom teeth. I'll never fix it...I love it!
A certain little Monkey boy is now crawling full speed (although still not hands and knees, more like hands and inchworm-still normal though) and has decided that crawling on hands and knees is not such a great idea as pulling up to a STAND on the living room couch and squealing in delight at it! He also makes his way all the way down the hallway now and gets into his big brothers rooms...oooo what a delight! And on occasion the owners of said rooms are actually present and thrilled that Ollie chose their room to go visit. Homework gets cast aside, cell phones get put down and the little star of the house gets tons of attention!
He's also been reaching out for daddy a lot. Will takes him outside and they walk around exploring things. I can see Oliver is done with life in the living room. He's ready for bigger and better things. He's taking his next step in growing up. He's reaching out a little bit to other people, and other places in his world. It's beautiful.
I know his "infanthood" wouldn't last forever, and it's changed us all in so many ways. If we have more children (the verdict is still out) even that whole experience will be changed because of Oliver's birth story. I guess that's what "life changing" means. Funny how you hear cliches like that all the time and they never sink in until, well, until they do.
One of my biggest lessons in all of this, is to find meaning and find happiness and find love in the moment you are in. I know it's not where you want to be, or it's not what you expected of your life. We all have that life storybook in our head. But life and storybook do not belong in the same sentence sometimes. What makes it a story, what makes it a life is the struggles, the journey, the experiences. I've learned to stop trying to change it, stop trying to make it fit in, stop trying to control it, and simply embrace it and find what I love about it every day for what it already is. When I live like this, I know I can look back one day and say yeah I had a great life. I didn't waste is always seeking something else. I loved every minute of it no matter what it was. And today, I honestly do. I wouldn't change a thing. The lessons that have been brought to me from all of this, I could have learned in no other way.
I cannot promise you that I won't post tomorrow about my hurt again, or my anger to be honest. But right now, the window is open in my office. It's raining outside...how badly does our area need rain. The grass is green. There's actually a little bird sitting in the tree in my back yard making bird noises. He seems happy for the water. A gentle rain is streaking down my window. Oliver is snoozing in his (our) bed taking a long afternoon nap. Ryan is making sure Darth Vader doesn't morph from Lego form and take over the planet (he's playing xbox 360). My older boys will shortly be home from school, and Will is away at work. It's normal. It's sweet. I remember the words I whispered into my baby's sleeping ear at 3 days old in ICU...I remember telling him that it would all be right as rain. Today, it is.
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